ZomBae
by Anna Lane
Summary: Liv tells her friends that she and Blaine have been seeing each other. Also, she and Major are on teen twin brains. Crackfic


"You two!" Ravi clapped his hands together. "Lovely. I've just the surprise. Teen twins." He placed two beakers filled with liquidy shakes before them. To be fair, he twisted them around and back and forth so that they were completely mixed up.

Major gave a sardonic smile. "How different can they be?"

"One had three facial piercings and the other was wearing a blazer. I think that says all there is to say."

"Oofh." Liv grabbed the beaker on her side. "Here's hoping for blazer." Her fingers were crossed as she drained the glass dry.

Major, his smile never leaving, but growing sadder and smaller, picked up his beaker and downed the contents.

Liv smiled tightly as she looked at her friends. "I have something I need to tell you. Hopefully before teen brain sets in because I don't know how you'll take it."

"What is it?" Ravi asked.

"Blaine and I have started…seeing each other."  
"Where?" Major asked.

"Uh," Liv grit her teeth nervously.

"No, no not you, too!" Ravi looked at her like she was sick.

"It just kind of happened. He was–we were–"

"Oh. Got it." Major set down his beaker calmly, but his jaw was tight.

"Was it the clinically insane waste disposal man?" Ravi asked, referring to a recent brain she'd consumed.

"Happened before that."

"The suicidal kleptomaniac who was having an affair with the alderman who was accused of her murder?"

"No, that personality was really antisocial. I didn't really like anyone that week." Liv said matter-of-factly.

"You were eating that lady who helped death row inmates, right? Is that why –?"

"She wore off. I'm still – really into him."

"God, why?" Ravi asked the question not really expecting the answer, but as if it were a question that would take hours of deep thought.

Liv shrugged and gave a toothy smile as she thought about her handsome white-haired antihero. "He's bae." She explained. The brains had started.

"Good god." Ravi looked at her in horror.  
"I may be her psychological age right now, but I concur." Major said.

Clive suddenly met them down in the basement. He made a face as he looked at the empty yet still slimy beakers, but declined to comment. "Liv, you ready to go question the parents?"

"Sort of," Liv hedged.

"Brain's in the digestive tract, right? What's the problem?"

"Now's not really a great time. Gotta go," Liv apologized. "Blaine's picking me up in a few."

"Yeah, apparently Liv's dating him now," Ravi explained. "Or is it just hooking up?" He sounded more than a little bitter.

"Ew, better not be." Major sang.

"Shut up, you are so immature," Liv rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, those two minutes really give you an edge." Major rolled _his_ eyes.

Liv smiled. "Don't worry. Someday you'll have someone, too."

Major gave her major side-eye. "I don't want that pig to see what our body looks like."

"Except we don't look alike, freak."

"Slut."

Liv sneered. "You're jealous because even though we both already knew it – now everyone can see that I finally look better than you."

He pointed to himself. "Oh I look good."

Liv looked down at him with raised eyebrows. "If you say so."

"You dated me."

"That was a questionable choice."

Major folded his hands and looked down primly. "You're making questionable choices now."

"Ugh, don't get righteous on me."

Clive looked at Ravi in alarm. "They do know they're Liv and Major, right?"

Ravi was staring at them with rapt attention. "I've never seen them consume the brains of twins before. I kind of want to lock them in a room and study them."

"O-kay, Dr. Mengele." Clive looked back at Liv. "Can't your creepy boy toy wait an hour or two?"

"I don't know. He's kind of been questioning my loyalty lately," Liv said sadly.

"'Questioning your loyalty,' what is that, some kind of zombie gang thing?" Clive asked.

"Like, he thought it was weird that I wouldn't tell any of my friends. But you can see how they're acting, right?" She directed the question at Clive.

"How long has this been going on?" he asked.

"Like three minutes."

Clive sighed. "No, you and Blaine."

"Oh. A while. Long enough to be serious, anyway. And as if he's the one who should be worried. He totally slept with my best friend. What if he's still into her?"

"Dear God." Ravi slammed his head down on the empty metal slab they were sitting around.

"Cheer up," Major patted his back. "Now that Blaine and Liv are together, Peyton'll probably be all over you."

"Thanks," Ravi said glumly. "I love that I'm second choice to the villain that my ex slept with and who my best friend is currently boinking because she must be bonkers. It's like if the Joker were suddenly a sex symbol who sleeps with Catwoman _and_ Batgirl."

"I'm Catwoman, right?" Liv asked.

"The Joker is a sex symbol to Harley Quinn." Clive reasoned.

"I thought you were _my_ best friend."

Ravi's eyes widened as he focused on Major. "What? Yeah. I am," he defended.

"Excuse me?" Liv looked at Ravi.

"I can have two best friends."

Major shook his head. "You really can't."

Liv frowned at him. "Why are you always trying to steal my best friends?"

"I am not!" Major said.

"Don't think I didn't notice how you and Pey talked about me when I was newly zombified. Shit hurts, bitch."

"You are so _obviously_ a 'Batgirl,'" Major said venomously.

Liv gasped.

"That was a little uncalled for, Major," Ravi said.

"Okay, ladies," Clive shot a pointed look at Ravi and Major. "Let's calm down. Liv's an adult. Well not right now, but you know what I mean." Clive looked weirded out.

"Speaking of ladies, aren't you breaking a girl code or something, Liv? By going with your best friends' ex-shag or what have you?" Ravi asked.

Liv bit her lip. "She doesn't seem to want him, but – you're right. I should definitely tell her. Myself!" She glared at Ravi and Major. "So don't say anything until I've had the chance."

"My lips are sealed. Except for the vomiting I'll be doing later." Major sniped.

"Cool." Liv turned away and towards Clive. "I guess I can text him to meet up later. He's really understanding. Unlike some people." She looked at Ravi and Major.

"I'll be honest, I don't get it." Ravi held up his hands in defense.

Liv smiled. "You don't have to. No one does. Not as long as we do."

She and Clive left.

"I'm really not sure which of you is which," Ravi admitted.

"Oh, I'm definitely the one with piercings," Major told him.

"Really? How can you tell?"

"Did you hear the way she was talking about Blaine? That is repressed good girl all the way."

Ravi looked thoughtful. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"It's also a total Liv move."

Ravi looked at Major. All the man's newfound venom seemed to have left him. "You okay, bro?" Ravi remembered the way Major used to look at Liv. That kind of look never just goes away – you only get better at hiding it. He knew that much from Peyton.

"I think it's going to hit me a lot harder once I stop fantasizing about shirtless Ryan Gosling."

"Good point."


End file.
